Friday, March 29, 2013

The Boom

I have been wanting to blog for sometime but haven't really been sure how to talk about this. I don't want to be too dramatic, or too casual. Some part of me is still in denial too. I am holding on to the small hope that Lincoln is going to be totally healthy. By not talking about it, that it somehow isn't real.  The awful truth though, is that doctors think that Lincoln has Gardner's Syndrome. What is that? Exactly. I had never heard of it, and it wasn't even on our radar. Then...BOOM! We were totally unprepared for this. At first we were told that Lincoln likely just had a benign tumor. We weren't happy about this but it was for sure a relief. Then we were told Lincoln likely had fibromatosis. That also wasn't great, but really not a huge deal. The tumor was removed and then BOOM. I guess nobody can be "prepared" for something like this. We weren't sat down in a doctors office and gently told though. Nope, we were told by an ER doctor who had pulled Lincoln's results that we should go home and "google it". She had never heard of it but because she could see that the tumor was benign, she assumed it was good news. She was wrong. Go ahead and google it for yourself. Tumors, colon cancer, and thyroid cancer are the main highlights.
We have done testing on Lincoln's tumor and they are showing genetic markers for Gardner's Syndrome. We asked for a second opinion and the surgeon obliged. The tissue samples were sent to Vanderbilt for testing and they too came back positive. We are now waiting on the DNA blood test to come back as a final result. We have been told to accept the diagnosis as the chance of the DNA being negative is almost zero.
I don't know how we are ever going to live with this. I don't know how I am going to be able to watch my precious son go through this. I am not sure that I will able to be strong enough for him, my other kids, or my husband.
Everything I think to say about this just seems ridiculous after I type it out. Honestly, there just isn't much good that can be said about this. I am just not a "doom and gloom" person. I am not really sure how to spin this into something I can sound positive about though. This is the only life Lincoln is going to have, so I still feel like I have to make this as good as possible for him. When I say something like "We are going to be okay and get through this together "I also feel like that is ridiculous. This is not okay. BUT, I don't want to be negative and say "this is not okay" either. Its confusing, and frankly, exhausting.
Please pray for us. I know that miracles happen, so why not ask for one for my perfectly, innocent little man?! He is a sweet, happy little soul. He deserves to live a full and long life.

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